Sunday, September 26, 2004

dear joan just reminded me A levels is in 5 weeks plus a few days time..

tt hit me real hard.
i feel like i still know nothing...
i cant do As, really.
i'm dead le lah..

*hai*

Posted by Jeannie at 10:06 PM

Confession:
wasn't a happy girl today.. ok correction, was a happy girl in the earlier part of the day... haha ok i digress 1st ah.

yesterday was an absolutely boring day.. sat at home the whole day with nothing to do but to watch tv, slp and stone... after dinner i couldn't take it anymore and went marine parade lib to read books.. and borrowed 4 books! haha books make me happy lah.. haha then since i was at tt area anyway so i went east coast to walk ard and finally setted down to read a book sitting at a bench.. saw loads of couples yesterday night at east coast. i think i looked weird reading alone at esat coast at 10 in the night.. haha a poor guy playing truth or dare had to come ask me wad book i was reading.. and i read a book till 4am in the morn!

ah. then back to today.. haha woke up at 8 plus thanks to dear's call and was late to meet her for swimming.. wah then she wore this 2 piece swimming costume which makes guys drool and led to this guy trying to make conversation with us. haha went to meet the rugby girls to go xt's house eat lunch.. haha she made baked rice for all of us and its nice! haha she can cook... and then went to watch rugby match at SPE...

okie advice to everyone: do not pop 2 panadols when u are still hungry. u'll probably get something close along the lines of gastric pain..

guilty girl today.. bad, harsh and disillusioned, hot tempered me..
i dun think i have ever been so ridiculously angry over something not very impt.. at tt point of time i really felt the sting of it, felt the hurt and pain and then the anger disappeared, replaced by absolute guilt..
i just wan to let u know tt, every call i rejected or ignored as it rang, it was like putting a knife through my heart. sorry.
=(
i hate myself.
pls hate me too.

Posted by Jeannie at 1:40 AM

Friday, September 24, 2004

haha nice new blogskin for a nice new beginning!
i love my new blogskin! *muacks*
hahaha why the sudden change in mood?

cuz had a happy day yesterday! here goes:
once upon a time, erm which is yesterday, jeannie went out with haoting! haha they met at orchard mrt and went lido to watch the super funny movie 'dodgeball'! hey ppl its a super nice and funny show highly recommended to reduce stress. haha the whole cinema was filled with hwachong, a handful of tj and mostly young ppl yesterday lah, everyone made loads of noise cheering and clapping in the theatre. fun!

haha... ah then began me and haoting's long and tiring search for shena's pressie lah, walked orchard, went ps... till 7 plus.. highly exhausting..its more tiring than playing 8 rugby games.. haha but i had a lovely time with haoting! havent talked to her for ages.. missed her!
haha... then we went home lah, but then me din feel like gg home and ah. bad mood sets in. haha so jeannie decided to be rebellious and go east coast! *gasps* <--- dramatic effect. haha so she went parkway, bought glass jelly drink (cuz thirsty, and she thought if later got ppl attack she can throw at attacker) haha and walked a long eerie underpass to east coast..no worries lah no ghost stories!
haha went there and started a long walk, looked at sky: no stars. haha looked at ppl jogging, walking dogs, do sit ups, couples sitting at benches, two bunnies by the trees(ok i oso dunnoe why they come from) rollerblading, feeling sea breeze...and gd mood sets in. haha gd next time i bad mood or have sth to think abt i'll go east coast!
and i scared my poor laogong.. haha i told her i gg there alone at night then if i dun sms her at ten, she have to call me, if i nv ans she can call police.. haha oops nasir came to find me talk to me and i forgot and she really got a shock..
*hugz* dear, sorry! haha.. and no u dun have to find another laopo u still have me!

haha..and so jeannie decided to be a happy girl hahaha no one will have to read a depressing post again! (i hope) haha and shall be a nice person to everyone( come on ppl, exploit me be4 i change my mind) haha no more complicated thoughts, just simple me. haha yay, new blogskin with new start!

Posted by Jeannie at 11:28 AM

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

am in a not so cheery mood today.
haha i think i am getting sick, my cough is coming back and this time its gd friend: flu is accompanying it. should i be honoured? haha..

read through all my old blogs the other day when i was trying hard to study for geog but my eyes and hands just refused to cooperate, and realised i have changed! haha my blog last time is full of exclaimation marks and sad/smiley faces and its long and flowy with large chunks of paragraphs. and my way of writing used to be tt at the end of every sentence it'll be dot dot dot.... <--- like this, instead of a abrupt full stop like wad i usually do now, even in my sms. haha hey ppl change ok..

some additions to previous entry abt handphones:

the hp can be something u seek solace in, u seek comfort and protection. but there are times when u would dearly wish to run to east coast and throw it into the sea and nv ever wan to see it again cuz it causes pain too. it causes pain when u stare at it for hours waiting for just tt single sms to come in and u anticipate like crazy and then it just disappoints u by either no smses at all, or its just someone else. u dun wan to care, u dun wan to care tt the someone doesn't care to sms you. the hp sits there on your bed, silent. u wish to throw it away, far far away where u cant see it, where it cant remind u tt someone is not thinking of u. u wish to throw all your sorrows and hurt away with the hp.
but hey, why judge human character by sms? cuz someone may just be thinking of you, but not smsing you.
one can hope, cant she?

Posted by Jeannie at 7:47 PM

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

ah.
haha i think i invented lots of new geog theories today.
i've nv done a worse ppr. seriously.
every single question is a masterpiece of my crapping skills.
and i din even attempt to read the map cuz i know i wun know how.
and i invented names to label on my diagrams.
haha this ppr is so bad i dun wan it back!

tml last ppr le. literature. hahahaha yay!

things to do from wed 11am onwards to sunday:
1) buy ring with joan dear
2) swimming
3) running
4) cycling
5) buy na's present
6) watch 'The Terminal'
7) go airport/east coast stay overnight

haha tts all for the moment but i'm sure there'll be additions!
in 12 hours time i'll be free!


Posted by Jeannie at 11:05 PM

i woke late for the 100th time even with abt 3 sms waking me and a morning call from joan dear...
geog ppr at 2 and i still dunnoe anything!
hai.

Posted by Jeannie at 10:03 AM

Monday, September 20, 2004

ppl often wonder why i am always holding my hp and smsing or talking on it.
ppl like my mum, my classmates, my friends.
actually the logic is very simple.
1stly i am very afraid tt ppl will be unable to find me. why is tt so? i understand the feeling of needing company and a listening ear when u are feeling down, esp at night. i fear tt ppl might not be able to find me when they need me or when they are in trouble. i'm scared tt when they need someone, they will be no one there for them.

2ndly, my hp can get me out of awkward situations. i remem there was a time when i just broke not long ago with him and i'm supposedly furious at him and i simply refuse to see him or anything then tt time was zhiming's bday and 4rp classmates gathered to celebrate. and conveniently forgot to tell me he gg too. imagine my fluster and absolute loss of control when i saw him and in order to get out of making eye contact or any contact at all i just get someone to call me on my hp and talk to me.
whenever i encounter awkward situations, or when the topic my friends are discussing is one i dun wan to hear or dunnoe how to respond too, i will sms ppl or ask them to call and talk to me. just send any stupid and brainless sms to anyone in a desperate attempt to appear busy and not paying attention to the conversation so u dun need to force a smile or laughter and give response. to mask any pain or unwillingness to contribute to the conversation gg on.

in a way, the hp gives me consolation, something to turn to. or rather, something which can give a certain protection.

so the next time i'm furiously smsing again, its either i'm really smsing impt things, or i'm escaping from reality again.


Posted by Jeannie at 1:24 AM

Sunday, September 19, 2004

hahahahaha.
i just tried to iron my shirt without turning the switch on and was wondering whether the iron spoilt why shirt still looks crumpled.
i need a break!

realised i cant study at home. am feeling super guilty and panicky abt not studying but am not doing anything still. hai. okie i'm gg parkway.

Posted by Jeannie at 10:44 AM

ah. haha i think i nearly destroyed the lift by my incessant and urgent pressing of the 'close' button. why can't my neighbourhood be a noisy and friendly and full of ppl walking ard even at 11 plus at night?! i think i'll be happier.

acquired a few new hobbies nowadays.
1) cross the road without watching traffic
2) torture my poor brain by forcing in information
3) have weird dreams at night
4) walk around in a daze

nvm. a few more days and i'll be back to normal.
slack a few days be4 gg back sch get prelim results and sink into depressed mood.

*warning*
may not be able to smile/laugh when in depression mode.

haha on the other hand i think i still can. just bring me to a pet shop pls.
haha was at the marine parade pet shop today and was immediately cheered up by the cute doggies in there. the puppy looked like a small ball of fur tts bouncing around hahaha and when the shopkeeper gave it a small purple ball to play with it was so scared of it! it touched the ball with a cute tiny paw and then shrank back a few steps. haha but after i went to watch the hamsters and came back it was happily chewing the ball lah. and watched baby rabbits bouncing ard. and a little hamster trying to dig its way out of the glass container. haha pets shops are the heavens on earth!

was feeling completely disorientated when at the cheesecake place just now. wasn't much of a company, feeling guilty but my brain simply refuses to cooperate. when sitting on the comfortable sofa under the dim lights a thought suddenly hit me and i sat there pondering over this new enlightened feeling. made up my mind abt sth, then now sitting at home the resolve weaken again.

oh well.

this is difficult.



Posted by Jeannie at 12:26 AM

Friday, September 17, 2004

bad mood.
am traumatized by the maths paper 2 and lit paper today.
maths was horrible and lit was worse.
had to memorised quotes from 2 texts and the poems and its all jumbled up in my head and during the exam couldn't really remem anything, plus the exam hall very cold and my hand was numb. so i did wad i know best: crapped.
in a daze when we all walked out of the exam hall and when we were all outside sch i attempted to cross the road without watching traffic. realised at the last moment or else i shall go back haunt the sch for frying our brains with terribly hard test papers. ok after tt peishan nearly did the same thing too, just goes to see how disorientated we all were.

its friday.

someone get me out of my bad mood!

i hate it when i dunnoe wad u are doing.

oh well i shall go stone.

stop it!!!!!

*hmph*

Posted by Jeannie at 8:14 PM

'i will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes'

isn't lit so sweet?

sorry ppl, am trying out my memorising skills. tml lit ppr!

Posted by Jeannie at 12:12 AM

Thursday, September 16, 2004

i realised i do expect too much out of ppl.
bad point isn't it, u always get disappointed more easily.
on the other hand u really wan to believe them/believe in them.

oh well, shall go back to studying lit.
isn't it weird how u always have the urge to know wad he is doing or where he is?
and its kind of hard to not ask and not know.
but then u'll worry if u are disturbing.
and so in the end u still dun ask and u end up wondering.

someone pls cure me of my headache.
after episodes of being blur and having headache, i think my brain has prob.
haha am imagining joan and geri rolling eyes and saying:
'wad, u mean u now then know?!'

Posted by Jeannie at 11:06 PM

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

*angry*
rarely do i watch the news and when was watching chinese news just now and saw something infuriating.
a baby bear bear escaped to a nearby village and happily sit on the tree looking so cute and wad did the men do? they tried to capture it!
=(
stupid men.
how dare u use sticks to chase bear bear down the tree and use water spray it and wanna use sack catch it and then chase it into the lake and then when u catch it u tied up its poor mouth u evil men.

animal abuse!


Posted by Jeannie at 11:05 PM

Monday, September 13, 2004

someone pls cure me of my blur and laggy brain..
after gp paper today i felt quite panicky for the simple reason: i thought maths and geog paper was tml. haha scared joan when i told her tt and then realise much to my relief thats maths paper is on wed instead.
still rushed home like crazy by chasing both bus and train(yes normally i just too lazy to move faster) and reaching home in record time of less then 45 mins. all for the sole purpose of studying geog and sat down to cram geog like crazy into my ever so slow brain and panicking cuz there was so much to cover and was thinking of how to study so much by 12am and wake at 530 to go sch take exam. then i just happened to glance at exam timetable. and realised geog exam is at 2pm tml. thank god i looked at the timetable or i'll have arrived at sch at 715. so now i'm happily blogging cuz i am super relieved i have tml morn to mug! hahahahaha

ok my blurness have to be cured soon to prevent stupid situations.
someone hit me with a saucepan or sth.

Posted by Jeannie at 7:12 PM

Sunday, September 12, 2004

i can't believe i dreamt of u the whole night.

argh wads wrong with me?!

stop it!


Posted by Jeannie at 10:30 AM

Argh a chain reaction is happening.
i feel very tired while studying.
when i finally stop toturing myself n go slp, i cant fall aslp.
when i finally fall aslp, i have nightmares or weird dreams.
then my poor mind woke up without having any rest.
today finally cannot take it le, i'm slping at 1 plus!
i think tml i'll be horrified at myself for wasting time sleeping.

while waiting for Nasir today i realised library closes at 5pm so cant read books there, so i walked to the playground and sat there watching the kids playing. saw 3 little boys playing catching, a baby trying to climb up the slide(with the help of the dad of course) and small girl trying to climb steps, along of lots of small kids running abt... erm at this point i realised i must have looked weird sitting there and ppl may think i'm slightly crazy cuz i just sat there alone holding a geog book, apparently not a parent of any child and laughing at some kids playing to play catching. ok haha tts not the point..
anyway, it suddenly dawned on me how carefree and happy of all them were, laughing so innocently at the playground while my geog book weighed down heavily on me.. and how in a few yrs down the road they'll all be hit by the harsh reality in life..
actually life isn't tt harsh. thinking back to your younger days now u will always complain tt as u grow older things get harder but in fact its because u have passed tt stage of life tts why it seemed tt the past has been easier and happier. at tt point of time u might have felt a diff kind of pressure or problems tt everyone will go through at tt age. just like at tt time taking O levels might have felt very stressful and traumatising but now we can safely say its nothing much to fear cuz we have already conquered it and in another stage of life.. just like having As now feels scary and we keep complaining cuz at this very moment the pressure is on us and we worry.

erm wads my point? digressed lots.. haha sorry ppl, its a blur blur confusing entry cuz i'm tired.. and i dunnoe why i am still here typing when my eyes gg 20% smaller every sec..

stop.

go slp.

zzzzzzz....

Posted by Jeannie at 1:29 AM

Friday, September 10, 2004

urgh just ignore that last entry.

Posted by Jeannie at 9:50 PM

thanks for the pain you put me through.
thanks for the tears you just made me shed.

i've denied it for so long and was confused for so long but now i think i have no choice but to acknowledge tt u dun care anymore and i'm not gd enough.

u know wad?

you just broke my heart, and i bet you dun even know.

Posted by Jeannie at 1:55 AM

Thursday, September 09, 2004

haha sorry ppl, wun be blogging much anymore cuz.. i also dunnoe y but then i really cant seem to present thoughts and feelings, and so, haha will not blog till i have anything to say... okie tts all!

Posted by Jeannie at 11:49 PM

Monday, September 06, 2004

watched Bourne Supremacy at Lido.
good movie.
cinema was very very cold.
cold in a different meaning.
and it hurt.
alot.

Posted by Jeannie at 12:59 AM

Saturday, September 04, 2004

haha there is less and less time to blog le... hmm nothing to say tts going on in my mind other than: i'm sick of geography!!!!!
i wanna watch Garfield... its so horribly and terribly cute i think if i go watch the movie i sure stick myself to the screen and wun get down so i better not go watch it.
i miss my dearest airport... dun really like studying at home, i'll always end up being online instead... and my cough is coming back although having to pop 12 pills a day for more than a week.. why??!
oh yah i rewatched this movie called "drumline" for 4 times in 2 days cuz its just too nice le.. haha oh no i think i'm supposed to be studying now...
see, studying too much geog makes jeannie a boring person, i actually have nothing else to say...

was sick and tired to reading geog case studies and realise abt 80% of the problems in population, desertification and such is actually caused by rapid population growth. therefore if there is no rapid population growth there will be no problems caused and i wun have to study so much geog chapters. so ppl, STOP REPRODUCING!

haha oh yah me and joan going to buy wedding rings after prelims to show tt we are 'married'!!!! haha hope prelims is over soon.. ppl out there, study hard k it'll soon be over!! jiayou!!

Posted by Jeannie at 4:43 PM

Thursday, September 02, 2004

isn't it weird how girls can make decisions based on the weirdest things?
ok well at least i do..
like how a simple twist of event or matter can help u make up your mind on certain things..
kind of hard to explain, its indescribable.<----- is there such a word? hope so.
ppl always say females are fickle creatures cuz we always change our minds and can't make up our mind wad we want and wad we are looking for.. always thought tt was true but i realised tt its just the transitional process. u think and think and change your minds for millions of times, but then comes the final straw which finally hits and there, her mind is set and nothing can change it anymore, no amt of persuasion, begging or change of events will get her to change her mind.

and so my mind is finally set, need no more counselling from CY and will not pain myself over tt matter again. thanx for the counselling, it helped.


Posted by Jeannie at 7:43 PM