Thursday, July 27, 2006

short tempered nowadays.

at times i feel unlike myself. its like i have so many different me.

sometimes i just feel tt the pain is so acute, its going to take my soul down with it.

at times, i feel so optimistic and strong, like i can conquer everything in the world, that everything is gg to be fine after all.

its like i'm being torn into so many pieces, i cant find myself anymore.

wad if i feel like i am strong now, but crumble the next moment?

wad if i thought i could move on, but in actual fact am just breaking up inside?

i dunnoe anymore.

i dun want to think abt it, nor feel it.

sometimes i just feel like a failure. how did things become like that?

wad went wrong?

why must it happen to me like that?

too many questions and no answers.

Posted by Jeannie at 12:23 AM

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

u are such a fake.

i despise you.

Posted by Jeannie at 1:59 AM

Monday, July 24, 2006

ARGH.

stop irritating me or i swear i'll burst one day.

tired. confused. dun care.

Posted by Jeannie at 1:07 AM

Saturday, July 22, 2006

things ive been busy with nowadays will fill many pages.

been so busy i cant even remem slping and eating. all the unglamness and cup noodle eating and dragging our asses out of bed after minimal amt of slp. but its fun though.

and i love peanut the baby hamster! adopted by its co-parent junwei. hahaha thanks!

the fear clutches me sometimes, but at times like this, i think i worry more abt slping and eating.

Open house tml. this is really one hell of a week.

Posted by Jeannie at 4:27 AM

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

ok since everyone's complaining my blog is depressing, i already post so many happy pictures of myself.

I AM HAPPY!!

hahaha so stop worrying, my dearest ppl. its deeply appreciated though. love u all. *hugs*

will be too busy to blog soon!

Posted by Jeannie at 3:53 AM

Saturday, July 15, 2006

bad day. very bad.

1st breakdown since then.

have anyone ever felt tt they want to fight their way out of darkness? to fight out of the pain, to badly want to break away but do not have the strength to?

ARGH.

y does it have to be like tt?

Posted by Jeannie at 5:14 PM

whee!!! hahaha many pics! 1st up are those taken when i went to watch ndp rehearsals last sat with mae felicia and sheena. hahaha... look at mae with her cheeky look with all the food in front

of her! we went chong qing steamboat after watching... the one at bugis. i love my cam, it has this function in which we can take a compilation of 4 photos! this is my fav. felica, mae then sheena and me below.

i havent met up with them for the longest time. great to catch up on each other's life and gossip! love them lots. =)

Then sunday went sentosa with swoc!

haha i love tt little caucasian boy! he is so super cute. and the picture of our dear chairman darius looking like an angel hahahaha.

i'm trying hard to move on now.

memories hurt so much.

but memories are supposed to be sweet arent they?

so i'll try to remember them as being sweet, a chapter in my life i will always smile and think back on.

hope u remember me this way too.

Posted by Jeannie at 12:44 AM

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

a sense of relief.

out of suffering.

one last cry.

from now on, i live my life properly.

let time wash away the pain, the hopes and the dreams.

hope u're happier without me.

wait, i dun think u will even notice tt i'm gone.

Posted by Jeannie at 4:47 AM

Monday, July 10, 2006

sometimes i just wish that time can go backwards.

stop attacking me.

stop attacking me when i'm alone. stop attacking me when i have some space in my mind. stop attacking me when i'm most vulnerable.

this coldness seeps through everything.

i cant get out of my dreams. i cant get out of my hopes. i cant stop being in self denial.

i'm sorry, i tried. i'm sorry i'm so weak.

somebody help me.

Posted by Jeannie at 2:07 AM

Sunday, July 09, 2006

i feel like a lucky girl.

friday was spent with 2903 girls!!! hahahaha seriously, i think my 2 years in tj with them will be the best memories i have for life.

MJGPCJ. thats wad was carved one our little jigsaw puzzle identity.

M for Melody! our dear little singer who is like totally frank in everything she says.

J for Joan! hahaha who is my laogong whom i missed for a yr and always so lovable.

G for geri! so xinfu now, the newly attached girl who was sick.. get well soon daughter!!

P for Peishan who always look better everytime i see her, haha u so pretty i think u'll look gd wearing a trashbag!

C for Xtina. hahaha also very xinfu and your hamster is making a commotion climbing ard! hahaha you're forever looking unglam but youre ever so funny la..

J is for Jeannie! which is me. cuz i youngest. hahaha it case u all wondering, we carved it by birth dates! hahaha...

oh and mel, i took the pic of the tag from u cuz for some weird reason my cam cant catch the letterings properly! hahaha..

loud noisy us. making a commotion everywhere. reminding each other abt jc days, abt the AP-ness to teachers, gossiping, bitching. hahaha it was like in jc once again.

thanks girls. for the support, the frankness u all always display. hahaha i heart all of u. and your unanimous voting. *hugs*

i went to watch ndp rehearsal just now! with sec sch pals. next post. =)

so tt makes 2 days in a rows that i met angels.

all of a sudden i feel safe. i am not lost anymore. i know u all are out there somewhere, giving me a helping hand, nv far, nv leaving me alone to fight for myself.

i think i will smile even in my slp.

Posted by Jeannie at 2:51 AM

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

monday was youth day! so irritating. we thought town will be quiet and peaceful.

instead, it was filled with youngsters who are so so so noisy.

was with xuanjie jason yoyo dominic! hahaha we went for lunch, and accompnied yoyo to take her pay.

and OMG. we were standing innocently at the road btwn the ps bus stop and the longjohn bus stop and we jaywalked.

ok ive jaywalked like 1000000 times there when i worked at cartel. but this time, we were stopped by this plump indian heavily made up and sweating profusely traffic warden.

and we were detained and now we are fined $20.

HOW UNLUCKY IS THAT?

though i was extremely amused. its thrilling, not tt i like to break the law, but its like a new and exciting scary feeling ive not experienced be4.

decided to go kbox instead of watching movie. and OMG again. they gave us the biggest room with a projector, plasma tv and pool table kind of HUGE room.

bad luck goes out, gd luck comes in.

we immediately changed our timing from the original 4 till 7 to 4 till 9! hahaha and we immediately called up the remaining swocs to come.

in the end darius yingying and david arrived.

its been a long time since ive gone to kbox, and i like it.

amanda i am waiting for u to come back from taiwan to sing kbox with me!

today i am very happy.

i guess one sweet sentence from you can brighten my whole day. =)

Posted by Jeannie at 1:35 AM

Monday, July 03, 2006

i guess life is gd after all.

i think ive been concentrating too much on one aspect. bgr love.

damn all those stupid jerks.

now i love my other aspects of my life.

i love joan, who smsed me sooooo early this morning excitedly to confirm our tuesday date.

i love mel, who msned me to offer me love and support.

i love peishan who tagged. i love u too! =)

i love xtina haha girl i'll love myself and you too! eh u know everytime i walk out i see your shoe rank i will thik of you.

i love geri who is the only one who replied my msg! hahaha..

i love swoc, who are the ppl keeping me cheerful everyday.

i love lydia/SSC president! hahaha cuz u are always so sweet and caring and gg all out for others.

and dom, u are SERIOUSLY the most thoughtful and sweet guy ive ever met. i'm impressed.

and xj, nothing can ever escape your eyes. hahahaha stop reading my msn nicks too!

yoyo for just being cute and pretty and always have cute remarks to brighten our day.

oh and jason! haha for being there to hear me rant.

and alot alot alot of other ppl who care.

i love all of u. =)

and hohoho i am gg out to lunch and FINALLY watch X-men! how lag can i get la, just cuz someone dun wan to watch.

its my life.

wheeeee nice busy week!!

ok dates are as follows

Tues - meet xtina mel joan ps geri! (reply my msg!!)

Sat - meet sheena felicia mae

everyday - meet swocs

oh and cannot forget to thank amanda or she will bite my head off when shes back from taiwan. miss u girl, really do! have fun in taiwan!

haha off i go!

Posted by Jeannie at 12:03 PM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

it all ends now.

i'm too tired to go on. i am starting to hate you.

i guess my heart just stopped just now.

it stopped beating for you.

i realised wad a jerk u are, realised how i have been so stupid all along.

wad kind of bf dun even bother to call and sms when he knows u are sick?

wad kind of bf dun even bother abt making conversations on the phone?

wad kind of guy says "wadever" and "i dunnoe wad to say" to every sentence u make?

wad guy says "see how" everytime u suggest going out?

and then says he is tired and busy and dun wan to meet up but still can go out with friends till late at night?

excuses and more excuses.

i know i was wrong. i know i made mistakes.

u think u din? i forgave.

but u just gave excuses and more excuses, threatening me with your heck careness.

u know i was scared to lose u.

but now, i dun really care.

y was i so stupid to think tt i could still save us? it takes 2 hands to clap. but all u are willing to do is to sit there and watch me sink down.

nothing i say makes an impact on you.

u just think tt everything i say is rubbish.

i was going psychotic cuz of u.

i am boliao. i am stupid.

i cant even complain. i cant even throw a tantrum. i cant even get angry at you over anything.

because u think u are the greatest in this world, tt just cuz of your one sentence tt u are sick and tired, and wun try to revive our r/n.

just cuz u feel tt u are so busy in life and so sick and tired of studying then i have to put up with your lousy attitude.

stop being a selfish idiot. now i finally understand.

u'll not make an effort anymore cuz u are not scared of losing me.

stop your self pity and theories.

everything is always my fault.

anyone's fault but yours. its not tt u cant, is u dun bother to try.

i guess u'll nv love anyone but yourself.

maybe someday you'll find the girl of your dreams, the one who will be with you forever.

i will forget all the shit abt proposing to me, abt our future plans together.

cuz its seriously not going to happen if u are going to be such a loser in your relationship management.

i dun want to hate you. you are forcing me to do so.

i am babbling at 530 in the morning.

its hurting tt i am hating u.

hurting tt when u say "i love u" to me now, i keep doubting you.

lie to me. let me still live in my dreams. let me believe in the visons of us being happy together, smiling together, being together forever. i want to believe in us once more, the safe happy feeling i once had.