Wednesday, February 21, 2007

lazy to post new year pics.

but this new yr... is ok. time of the month, had not much mood to socialise. so i din socialise much at all.

but i like our tradition of watching midnight movies together. haha 22 tickets at one time. me and sis posed with the long string of tickets. hahahaha..

been staying at home a few days in a row, very happy! even without my usual hoarde of pillows and bear bears (note: i have 3 pillows, a big cushion, 2 bolsters, 2 blankets, one BIG bear and a medium bear in my hall room) i still slept very well these few days. comfy comfy at home. hahah...

so tml im bringing my printer, speakers and all my books and notes back home. looks like i'll be spending more time at home than hall le. kinda sad, but hall life just seems more and more meaningless.. i cant explain why, but ppl i care for have left. and i cant seem to summon up the enthusiasm i had before. it used to be breathe sheares, live sheares. but somewhere along the way i realise i am questioning myself on the real purpose of hall. wad is it? why are everyone sacrificing the time? is it for the interest? for the hall? wad is hall? a building? a name? 500 people who live together yet everyone dun really matter and its just a station where ppl come and leave as they want?

i guess its time i pursue other things in life. 2 yrs is enough time dedicated, and i must say these 2 yrs can easily be the worst of my life, in which hall did play a major part in.

im happy now, i hope things will improve this yr. im trying hard in the things i am doing now. i really thought i would live in hall for the whole of my uni yrs. but i guess, its not gonna be the case now. but i would seriously miss one thing in hall, tt is living opposite amanda. sorry girl, i'll come back and visit as much as possible ok?

i've grown weaker and stronger in this 2 yrs. i knw i acquired some bad points, like being increasingly lazy (oops) i guess its time i become myself again. and live for myself, not hall.

i love anna sui secret wish! and my red nike bottle. *BIG SMILE*

Posted by Jeannie at 1:04 AM

Friday, February 16, 2007

when things hit rock bottom, they can't go anywhere but up.

new laptop! hahaha i love it. its still small at 12 inch, and light, but its a sturdier and less flimsy version. with in built webcam. i will take good care of you this time, promise.

new job. and the best tt i like. hahaha gd pay, gd timings, nice ppl, interesting job. with ultra gd welfare. hahaha i like!!

bought new year clothes.

patched up with amanda.

new yr is coming!!

i knew i could get past the dark ages. i've never been thru worst, but near.

and this was the worst. so the next time, i am stronger to last bad times again.

only some things are left tt are bothering me. but i can get through it anyway.

wish me luck.

Posted by Jeannie at 1:24 PM

Thursday, February 08, 2007

someone up there hates me recently.

and its driving me crazy. seriously.

laptop spoilt.
lost the laptop.
a frustrating quarrel.
hamster eaten alive by its partner and i had to witness it.
all that blood on its white fur, its helpless look as its partner licked and bit.
the remaining hamster returned to me by my kind hallmates.
the remaining hamster with blood all over its mouth and paws.
bad nightmares everyday. my past is haunting me.

and i just came out to go toilet.
and saw the remaining hamster lying on its back. small black eyes wide. not moving.

and i know its the last straw.

seriously. after each unlucky event i bounced back.

i tried not to dwell on it. i tried so hard to not cry.

i tried so hard to be happy. and move on bravely.

don't test me.

i can't take anymore. not too much longer.

there's limits to how brave one can be.

mine's reaching.

Posted by Jeannie at 2:29 AM

go on and act all sad and kelian and upset and you din play a part. you're seriously thick skin enough to try to portray yourself in a gd light to your friends. tt paragraph is full of untruths and you know it. im not going to fight with you anymore, cuz the more i see, the more disgusted i am. seriously, get a life.

Posted by Jeannie at 12:17 AM

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

after that conversation last night, im starting to feel the toil today.

this immeasurably sad feeling of nothingness.

i wish i can grow numb.

so we nv did walk out of the shadows before.

we can't get them out of our heads. nor hearts.

im torn.

and drowning in the pain you're giving me, and the old pains he gave me.

i need to breathe again.

to get away from all the mess and experience sunshine and laughter again.

cuz its my life.

and no one will make me sad, nor cry ever again.

Posted by Jeannie at 1:15 PM

Monday, February 05, 2007

my mummy is cool. she just solved my problems with a few sentences, and out flew all my troubles. and my dad.

ignore, dun provoke, live on with your life happier. ppl can see, they can judge for themselves.

spring cleaning today! i threw a whole load of junk out of my room. all the small things accumulated since i was young. i can't believe i seriously have so many things. all the things u are too lazy to throw away, tt you wanted to keep.

i spent the whole afternoon laughing with mum and dad over all the smallest things from the past tt reminded us about the past. all the photos, watches, and the 2 small binoculars tt accompanied us to every NDP when we were young. and i found out i have aot of throphies and medals from the past! hahah so i was talented. going through all the letters and cards since sec sch. i was a enthu letter writer and so were my friends. =)

said goodbye to lots and lots of soft toys, bits here and there as i sorted them into the throwing out and giving to charity piles. climbing up and down wiping cupboards and the water in the pail growing steadily murkier.

yay mum and dad gave me their tv as they bought a new one for their room. and a dvd player. hahaha decided not to renovate my room, too ex. they decided to buy me a new laptop, so im grateful enough. will pay them back bit by bit.

shall move my things back bit by bit. oh and darren won superstar!! i smsed and voted twice.

Posted by Jeannie at 2:08 AM