Tuesday, May 30, 2006

假装.

wad i've been trying to do. wad i'm trying to do.

how long can i delude myself?

********************************************

been so busy nowadays, tt when today suddenly becomes a free day,

i dunnoe wad to do.

no work, no swoc canvassing.

my room became smaller and smaller, suffocating me.

i need to get out.

to laugh happily again.

to bask in the sunshine.

and believing.

instead of decieving myself.

but i can't.

u wun let me.

all these thoughts, alone in my room.

now i know why amanda dun like to be alone in her room.

your thoughts can choke you, crumble your defences.

hai.

give me strength to carry on.

Posted by Jeannie at 12:05 PM

Sunday, May 28, 2006

i am so bored.

played kingdom of loathing for 5 mins.

watched V for vendetta, nice show!

wished i'm home. so bored.

getting pissed with everyone and everybody nowadays. but its a blessing i have my swocs.

i see them almost everyday, eat lunch with them, eat dinner with them and basically spends 80% of my time with them. i like how we've bonded and grown closer during the hols. =)

i realise i'm getting pissed off more and more easily nowadays. is it pms? dunnoe. i remember i used to be this ultra nice girl in the past in which no amount of irritating ppl nor insults nor events can put me into a temper. i remem a time i nv hated anyone, nv dislike anyone at all. the time i nv flared up, nv gotten angry, nv cried buckets. i nv showed any emotion other than being happy.

i liked myself better in the past.

do i?

jeannie who nv protests, nv says no.

nope. i like myself better now.

i'm not a pushover anymore. i guess. i wun be manipulated, i wun be like a slave who does wadever ppl ask or persuade me to do.

ok fine i still will, but not so often, and it depends on whether i like u enough or not.

oh well, i am so bored i am blogging!!! hai.

working at cartel can build one's patience, and temper.

taking for example this stupid fat b*tch who was at table 17.
bleah. fine, if u wan to complain, tell it to my face. dun talk talk talk in STUPID hokkien to your friends right in front of me. idiot.

it took ALL my willpower to not shoot a killer stare at you and just "accidentally" drop the hot soup into your lap. though when i walked past each time i'll shoot a disdainful look at her.

and there is a BIG difference btwn customers at cartel and rouge.

this is when u see a BIIIIIGGGG diff btwn singaporeans and foreigners.

when u greet foreigners, they respond with a big smile and ask u how your day was and promptly starts a friendly conversation with u though u are just a waitress.

singaporeans? give u a smile and then dismiss u like u are their slave just cuz they pay to eat in cartel.

foreigners give generous tips.
singaporeans give NOTHING.

foreigners will compliment your service.
singaporeans opem their mouths just to complain. and complain. hope your mouths rot.

singaporeans are damn troublesome. and bloody lazy.
obviously all straws, sugar sticks, chilli, ketchup, cheese, tobasco sauce etc are all there for u to take.

but? sinagporeans will just....

can u pls get ketchup for me?
and when u pass it to them, they will...
oh and cheese pls?
and then...
oh and sorry i need another set of cutlery too.

freak. i'm NOT your bloody maid. and YOUR TEACHER GOT TEACH U SUMMARY IN PRIMARY SCH NOT???!!!!!!! ask for everything at one go la u think i so free to walk to and fro for u on a busy friday night??!!!!

ARGH. this is y i say working at cartel makes you a frustrated person.

cuz of stupid brainless singaporeans.

u dun have to use much of your brain to see tt when i am holding on to heavy plates of food i can't attend to u right??!!!!!!

u think cartel plates not heavy ah?! u think the plates not scorching hot ah. i already dying under them le still gesture me over and force me to help u take the bill or clear your plates?!

hai. they nv fail to make me want to throttle them for their obvious brainlessness and stupidity.

so pls. though the customer is always(almost) right, be more considerate and use some brains.

Posted by Jeannie at 3:30 PM

Saturday, May 20, 2006

ROAR. finally one day in the week i can slp late like a pig.

and here i am at 9 plus awake and changed and ready to go.

*glares* at amanda.

stupid darling. all cuz u have cravings to eat breakfast at cartel.

see i so nice to you?

hahaha. today is like the ONE DAY of the week i have no work and no swoc canvassing to do.

i felt so cheap ytd while walking at the industrial park.

eyes staring, work stopped.

shit la i so fat and ugly u all also must stare stare stare. like nv see girl be4.

and got this uncle i walk so damn far le he still leering and grinning at me from afar!

traumatised.

met nice ppl and meanie ppl.

nice ppl talked nicely, listened, donated or offered drinks.

mean ppl se their dogs on you, snapped, glared, looked at you disdainfully,
like u are some pathetic piece of insignificant shit.

OH!! i cant forget this stupid shop in there when the staff are freaking rude.
the guy talked to us rudely, asked us to wait.

then he proceeded to do his things.

and then after we stood there for 7 mins waiting he said this NOT VERY SOFTLY to his friend:" wah lau they still standing there, stand some more i'm gg to scold vulgar language le, i very busy."

WTH!!!! u ask us stand there to play us ah. WE GOT A LOT OF BETTER THINGS TO DO K.

so wu liao. ROAR. i'm nice. i wun announce your shop name and get ppl to boycott it. i TRY.

off to breakfast. and home!!!!

Posted by Jeannie at 9:06 AM

Thursday, May 18, 2006

getting real busy.

swoc in the day, work at night.

roar. busy busy busy.

tired. feet aching evryday.

lazy to blog.

Posted by Jeannie at 7:28 PM

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

very tiring day.

woke at 1030 and started the tedious task of moving to blk b. ROAR!!!

at 1pm i still had half of my stuff unmoved. why oh why is my blk not the holiday blk??!!!!

went for swoc meeting which ended at 3 and continued moving.

now i have aching arms and feet from lugging stuff and walking to and fro.

and its amusing to see everyone's room in states of mess.

hahaha but wad i love most is my new room and new neighbours!

finally my room has nice orangey light instead of the white light which just casts a sickly baleful mood in my room.

and its so cute to have all the best ppl in hall living around you from all the diff blks!

so we decided to have a bbq to celebrate. hahahha we were initiated into blk b!! by getting ponding in the blk b pond. hahahaha its was so mossy and slippery!

oh and we helped the guys move after the bbq. ROAR guys are always guys. right at the last min then the whole room still haven been moved. so the girls became maids. -_- though their floor looks like war zone.

now, sitting in my room, ultra ultra tired. my eyes are drooping. i think the moment my head hits the bed i'll slp.

its kind of fun, all the crazy and on ppl in holidays committees staying tgt.

i am missing u badly.

Posted by Jeannie at 1:40 AM

Saturday, May 13, 2006

crossroads.

so hard. to make. a choice.

i'm almost certain i'll be happier. alot happier than now.

but.

y cant i just let go?

i wan to let go. this is not going anywhere.

grant me the courage. i need it. alot.

or grant me an accident so i'll forget everything tt has happened.

forget the pain and disappointment.

i want to forget.

Posted by Jeannie at 12:00 AM

Thursday, May 11, 2006

wheeeeeeeee!

thanks to evonn, my blog is saved. i heart u daddy!!

rather busy nowadays. met 2903 last night! haha at essential brew. i like tt place! nice and quaint.

and coincidentally almost EVERYONE celebrated bdays there. cute. i din talk much. haha just in case u all think tt i was bored, i'm not!

i was happily sitting there watching all of u talk, absorbing all your animated expressions, laughter, and wishing we can all be like this till we are all old and wrinkled.

i miss u all already.

hahaha and oh we went eski bar! and shouted and screamed like little girls in the super cold room. its like VERY cold till u get so high and cant control your laughter.

a mix between happiness and torture. so like life.

sitting in hall now, ultra bored.

i wan a bf. =(

not tt i dun have one. BUT.

i wan one. a real one. to feel in love again.

instead of how it is like now.

i can jolly well remain single, cuz i already feel single now.

Posted by Jeannie at 2:52 PM

Monday, May 01, 2006

happiest i've ever even in 13 weeks.

though still shrouded in uncertainty.

are our differences magnified by ourselves?

maybe things will be better if ppl stop thinking too much.

i know for a fact i will be happier if i stop thinking.

if i turn a blind eye to all those questions.

can i?

kind of regret not going back sooner and knowing my juniors.
i know a band needs its alumni to be active in helping out.
argh. i miss cchsm band. and the memories.

amanda is in hk already i guess.
darling i miss you!
hai. now i realise your importance in my life.
i realise i call u when i am bored, when i'm happy, sad, excited.
i sms u more than i sms doron, i tell u everything in my life.

it really feels weird tt i cant call u or sms u or just walk down the corridor and knock on your door.

bleah. u can be my boyfriend le. hahahhaha
hope u have fun in hk!!!