Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I'm fine! haha everyone i'm fine...
i love all of u sweeties who all popped out all of a sudden when u all see my entry, haha u all dunnoe how heartwarming it is to just know tt there are ppl who care.

lydia, andy, joan laogong, geri, melody, elmomomo, darius, amanda, yingying, cailin, kko and lots and lots of ppl,

i love u all!

i'm fine really.. haha oh and darius, sorry me and yingying played tt prank on you. =P hahaha though it really was funny. but i appreciate the concern, SWOC chair rules!

been mugging in the blk d lounge for 2 days in a row. hmm actually its more of pigging on food, watching tv, singing songs, talking rubbish and online shopping.

so the mugging club. me amanda and yingying welcomes anyone who wans to come study. all girls free entry, guys have to go through screening!

to joan: come back quickly!!! we miss you. =(

oh and choir treat was superb. i swear its like the best treat ive ever been to. 4 big canadian pizzas, very very nice 6 garlic bread, wedges, ultra nice chicken wings!! and haagen daaz icecream!! and sarsi drink.. all thoughts of dieting flew out of my mind. *guilty*
thanks cailin!

Posted by Jeannie at 1:44 AM

Sunday, March 26, 2006

things have not been going well lately.

sometimes i do wonder, do ppl feel the same way as i do now? to feel completely helpless to wads happening, to not know wad to do to get it back, the feeling that was once there....

tt u gave so much, sacrificed, cared.. and it was just treated like rubbish, viewed as irritating..

to worry for someone's well being, but realised its stupid cuz tt person just think u are paranoid, tt u worry too much.

to be so acutely aware of the hp the whole day just to wait for the promised sms to come in but in avail.. and the reason is always "sorry no network" or "i was busy the whole day and tt place was so crowded its hard to sms."

to be driven to desperation at the end cuz u cant complain, just cuz he says he is sick and tired of your complains, yet he does not change...

to wait in anticipation for a call the whole day just for his call at night, even to wee hours at night,
to rush away from events or even meetings to make tt overseas call...

to feel tt happiness when u hear his voice, and listen to his complains at the end of the day...
then have him falling aslp when its your turn to complain...

to feel tt disappointment tt he cant even stay awake to talk to you on the phone, tt he cant even care enough to be excited abt that short few mins of listening to your voice after one whole day...

to have him getting impatient when u complain abt all this...

and in the end? not having the courage to really leave... but to swallow all unhappiness and try to laugh and joke with him...

to have him ask are u crying? when your voice broke halfway through talking to him and having to reassure him it was just tt u are having a flu, when in fact u are quietly having tears dropping down onto the bed u are seating on...

to listen to his snores when u are halfway through the sentence, then, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, silently put down the phone and hope he'll get enough slp to talk to u being awake...

to have the same scenerio happening again and again every night...

to have red puffy eyes everytime after a conversation, instead of a dreamy happy smile...

to slam your laptop and handphone and wadevers around to vent your frustration and helplessness at wads happening.

to have no motivation to study, to go for lessons, to do anything at all, and yet feeling extremely guilty abt it...

to lay awake at nights, thinking abt wad went wrong...

to fear tt tonight will be another night tt i fear everyone will go to slp early and leave me alone to bear this loneliness and unhappiness...

to have stupid suicidal thoughts to break from this misery but then laugh at yourself cuz u dun dare to do it...

spiral downwards into the abyss of depressions and psychotic craziness.

i'm sorry to those who have to endure my tardiness these days, endure my mood swings, endure me not giving any feedback and points during meetings, to have u tread carefully ard me, to unreplied smses, unreplied mails, calls... i promise i will sort myself out since its my own problems.. and i should not drag everyone into it...

Posted by Jeannie at 3:53 PM

Friday, March 24, 2006

jeannie is thus single.
and will not step into any relationships anymore.
hahaha but i dun mind flings.

decided with amanda and yingying tt wadever guy we will be with we will only stay with them for 3 months. who says girls cant be flirts and heartbreakers?

Posted by Jeannie at 5:27 PM

Thursday, March 23, 2006

totally shacked.
wheee dbl O was fun last night! i like a girls night out.. hahaha we took a total 1 hr to leave hall, thanks to yingying *glare* haha like going prom night like tt... ate ba chor mee there and then we hit dbl o! ladies night, free entry free drinks.. i like! it was fun la, got a getfresh campaign (to promote female non-smokers) going on so there was dance performance too.. came back hall ard 2 in a half tipsy state, and the 4 of us sat in the lounge and ate ice-cream...

dbl o is down, club momo on wed anyone?

Posted by Jeannie at 4:55 PM

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Happy 10 months anniversary darling!

although today is not 8th June but as u always count according to weeks instead of months i'll follow you. haha thanx for bringing joy (and sadness) oops. hahaha ok la thanx for being the best boyfriend i ever had, and for taking care of me. Love you!

Posted by Jeannie at 11:33 PM

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

a new webcam! haha thanx daddy who drove and dropped by my hall to pass to me! haha.. tts a very messy room i have which will drive my mum crazy if my room at home is as messy as this one in hall. and me with the bear doron gave me for christmas, and the pink N6111 he bought me!

yay now he can see me from shanghai! happy 22nd birthday darling! though i'm not there to celebrate with you, hope u enjoy this day.. =)

Posted by Jeannie at 2:01 PM

Sunday, March 12, 2006

hahaha i've found the way to worm out of boredom when doron is away.
to be HAVOC.

ok la actually is just cuz of NUS open house.. fri night was spent helping to decorate the hall, blowing balloons, putting up banners all the way till abt 5 in the morning. and since i had to wake at 815 we all decided to play mahjong instead. and we ordered macdonald breakfast! utter bliss eating big breakfast and drinking ice milo. then i went choir for sound check, perform for the freshies then conked out at 2 plus.

woke at 6 plus to a VERY BORING AND QUIET hall. cuz most ppl went home. was bored all the way till i realise amanda in hall too. hahaha and we decided to go Hollad V wala wala... but we procrastinated and in the end dragged till 1 plus when me, amanda, yingying and kayping took a cab down.

wah kayping became a casanova la maybe cuz he is out with 3 girls. super gentlemenly. treated us to breko! haha.. we reached too late so we skipped wala wala...

was still damn bored so we decided to have Mernight!

Mernight = drink till you throw up like a merlion night. haha an hall activity.

and so we jio-ed the hardcore drinker, our dear francis, who kindly sponsored the martini, 3 cans of lychees, one bottle of lime juice, the XO and shaowen for sponsoring a new bottle of vodka.

and so the 7 of us sat at the rooftop and drank for 3 to 7 plus. talked abt alot of things, stupid things, serious things... made me think alot though. alot was on relationships. in the end i was categorised as " you are still a little girl la, be happy go lucky, dun think too much of wad we are saying". -_- and yingying was impressed by amanda.

her quote of the day for amanda:
"Eh i thought u always act cute and only know how to cute, i din know u think so much one! i'm impressed!" hahaha poor amanda.

and so everyone knew each other better. 7 plus, decided to eat mac breakfast, so francis drove us there. wah mac breakfast 2 days in a row. how much more bliss can it be?

haha and i conked out for 2 hours be4 gg down to help for open house. the freshies are all so cute! ok la at 1st me and yingying ultra enthu. but after walking the tour and talking abt the same things for wad seemed like a billion times, it was VERY tiring. hahaha but fun la.

and so, now very tired. but good way for time to pass fast. shall havoc more often. clubbing anyone? hahaha jk.

*yawn*

Posted by Jeannie at 10:16 PM

Friday, March 10, 2006

life seems bleak at this moment.

i dun even know wad to do as i stare blankly ard my room...

there is nothing to look forward to.

except to go home. but i cant. due to some photo taking. was so reluctant to come back but i still did. alone. on the bus. walking alone. in the mrt alone.

i guess loneliness is hard to bear when u see each other almost everyday.
tearing in the bus when leaving home. kinda miss the feeling of being loved and went home straight after lessons even though i normally would be lazy to take buses and mrt back on my own. so desperate was i to see family, loved ones that i just rushed home and bask in the familiarity and love.

i dun think i am cut out for long distance relationships. even though it hasnt even passed a week since he flew overseas.

Posted by Jeannie at 11:39 AM

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

wah been stoning at the bazaar at science for 2 days, tml another one.
i've been a gd girl, woke up 2 days for breakfast le! *triumphant look*
eh its not easy to stay in hall and wake for breakfast k.. at least not for me la.. i think in this 2 semesters i only go breakfast less than ten times. oops.

happy that hall life is becoming wad i wan again. no heavy activities, ppl ard hall once more instead of gg for their own meetings and trainings. once again we can eat dinner together, eat supper together, laugh over stupid things together. =) i like.

on a earring buying craze. ppl selling earrings dun come near me!! NOOOooooo!!!

oh! haha and when u are like super damn bored on bazaar shift, once thing u do is your eyes will wander, not on gd looking guys but the ultra cheap bargains gg on all ard you. and so, i bought a clock! a very cute cube transparent clock. with different colour lighting for every hour! though i only see 4. hmm. ok la its really cute haha and the auntie so nice to me. very tempted to get a custom made shirt too, the store just right behind ours! hahaha...

okie so ppl pls visit sheares bazaar at science k!! though the last day is technically today.

Posted by Jeannie at 2:07 AM

Monday, March 06, 2006

learned devastating news today from sis and cousin.
girl, i cant imagine wad u are gg thru right at this moment,
wads gg thru your mind...
asking u to cheer up is impossible,
to heal is impossible,
but promise me you'll heal one day ok? it may take years but pls heal...
and cry, cry your heart out, don't leave it in you as u are doing now..

girl, dunnoe if u'll see this, but dun take it too hard ok? keep the gd memories, forget the bad..
and he'll be in peace watching u from up above.

meanwhile, i guess my missing doron can't be compared to wad she must be feeling..
40 days compared to forever, is insignificant..

so ppl, treasure those ard you with no regrets.

girl, wish u all the best, and remem we love you.

Posted by Jeannie at 1:51 AM

Sunday, March 05, 2006

i sat in the car,
memories floating in my mind,
in silence we sat.
2 parts of me were fighting,
one emotional, one logical.

emotion caused tears to well up in my eye,
6 weeks of separation seemed an eternity.

logic dried my tears,
its just 6 weeks, it'll fly over soon.

in the end, emotion won as i sobbed uncontrollably.

hmm. unglam way to say bye. -_-

darling, u are gg to board the plane in less than an hour's time. Stupid pig u dun let me send you off... sorry i looked a complete wreck just now, but the thought of u leaving was hard to bear.
missing u like crazy already. love you.

Posted by Jeannie at 4:05 PM

Thursday, March 02, 2006

ROAR.

everyone abstain from the tv on 14th March.

da bian. *humph*

Posted by Jeannie at 1:34 PM

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

YUCKS.

even she can be miss singapore universe?!

ok wadever.

*green monster talking, not me*

my stomach is churning weirdly. i cant even differentiate whether its menstrual cramps or food poisoning. or gastric. OUCH.... =(
must be eat too much rubbish.

Sheares Production has ended! abit sad though... cuz it was the best 3 days of this whole sem2.. i loved being in the action, running ard busy, preparing this, touching up on tt, interact with my subcomm.. haha kindof sad its over. thinking of being in subcomm next yr! hahaha..
learned many things out of this, make-up especially though. haha.. and i couldnt get tired of watching the play over and over again..